Saturday, February 19, 2011

Don't even ask. Darin hates everyone

We had only reached the second stop light when our conversation officially began.
"Fucking Queers!" Darin says
At the intersection of Main St and 1000 N stood two young men, early twenties, waiting to cross.
"You know them or something?" I say
"Nope. They just look like homo's to me." he says
I glance up from my crossword puzzle and look out the window. While I try and distinguish a difference between gay and straight, I no longer care about a five letter word for sandwich.
As for the two men Darin is talking about:
One is tall
One is short
The both have on hoodies
The hoodies are both different colors.
The tall one is wearing a green zip up hoodie.
The short one is wearing a blue pull over with the word "Billibong" on it.
"How do you know that?" I ask
"That those guys are gay?"
Darin tells me he just has a knack for that sort of thing.
I ask him if he has a thing against Gay People.
"'Course I do." he says "Every damn one of them wants to fuck me." Says "You trying to tell me you don't have a problem with Gay people?"
I tell him no.
"No What? No you don't have a problem with Gay people or no you're not trying to tell me you don't have a problem with Gay people."
I tell him I'm confused with what he just said.
Then I tell him I don't have a problem with Gay people.
The two men pass by the front of the idled truck.
"Your not gonna kick me out 'cause I don't have a problem with Gay people are you?" I ask
"No, I'll just kill you." he says
I look out from his passenger window and say "Huh."
Darin tells me he's just kidding.
"Or am I..." he says. Then he laughs. He rolls down his window and lights a marlboro light cigarette and laughs.
"Just don't try anything on me." he says "Then I'll really have to kill you."
After a minute of silence and two miles down the road I ask him
"So you got a problem with all gay people or just gay men?"
"What do you mean?" he says
I ask him if he has a problem with Lesbians.
"Fuck no! Why would I have a problem with Lesbians. That's fucking hot!" he says
A few more miles down the road I ask Darin if he has a girlfriend.
"Fuck no! Why would I want a girlfriend." He says "Girlfriends are nothing more than bitches who want to take your money."
Again I look out of the passenger window and stare. Again I'll I can say is "huh"
After a minute of silence I Iook back down to my crossword puzzle. It tells me I need to find a six letter word with "CAMEL" as the hint.
A few more miles down the road Darin asks me "Your not a Vegetarian are you?"
I tell him no. I ask him if he's one. He tells me "Fuck no!" Then he tells me "I used to say the only thing worse than a Vegetarian is a queer vegetarian."
I can no longer focus on my six letter word
I ask Darin if he likes meat.
He tells me no. He tells me his Esophagus is full of scar tissue from Gastric Reflux disease. He says he has a hard time digesting meat.
"Did you eat a lot of meat when you were younger?" I ask
He tells me he's never really liked it.
Another mile down the road I ask him if there is anything he does like. He smiles and tells me no.
At the intersection of Highway 36 and Highway 138 I tell him to turn right.
He makes a right and tells me he used to have a friend who lived around here.
"I was beginning to think you didn't have any friends." I tell him.
He tells me to fuck off and if I make another comment like that he's going to smash my face in.
Then he tells me he's kidding.
"Or am I?" He says.
I tell him to make another right and we pull into my neighborhood. We drive to the dead end of my street, make a U-turn and pull up to the side of my house.
I hold out my hand. "Darin, this has been interesting." I tell him. "Thank you for the ride I say."
He doesn't reach for my hand. He just looks at me.
"Anytime" He says
As I open the passenger door and begin to step out he shouts "Wait!"
"Jockey" he says
"What the fuck are you talking about." I say
"Your six letter word. I think it's Jockey."
I look down at the ground and say "huh" Then I tell him thanks.
"You know your all right." He says
He tells me if I need a ride tomorrow he'll give me one.
I tell him thanks.


Kage said...

never mind darin, i'll come pick you up.

though i'm right shit at crossword puzzles, you're on your own there...

Kage said...

oh wait, lisssty, i just thought of one. what's a four letter word for "who's got great tits?"