Friday night is the only night I see Charles. If it wasn't for him I wouldn't mind Fridays' so much.
If it wasn't for him, sometimes I wouldn't have anything to write about at all.
This first thing he says to me, is if I've written anything about him lately.
I tell him not really. "In Fact," I say "I'm having trouble thinking of anything to write at all."
Some people twitch their nose when they think. Others wrinkle their forehead, pucker their lips, and rub their nose.
Charles, he reaches his hand up in his shirt and scratches his chest.
He does this for half a minute.
"Did you know" he says "People have more unprotected sex on Friday nights than any other night of the week?"
I ask him how the fuck he knows that.
"I don't know, must have read it somewhere."
I tell him the rubber companies must hate Friday nights.
He agrees with me and tells me I should write about it.
"Write about what?" I say
"People having unprotected sex on Friday nights."
"I'm gonna need a source Charles." I say "No ones gonna believe that people have more unprotected sex on Friday than any other night of the week."
"It makes perfect sense to me." He says "People drink more on Friday..."
I interject and ask him about Saturday. "People drink on Saturday too." I say
Charles just nods and continues "People drink more on Friday nights than any other night of the week." Says "They've worked hard all week and finally when the work day is done on Friday, people are gonna want to go get shitfaced."
"I'm with you." I say
"And when people get shit faced, they don't think about wearin' a jimmy." Says "Just ask my brother. He has three kids. I bet all three of them were perceived on Friday nights.
"You mean conceived" I say
He tells me "Whatever"
So, as a public service announcement to everyone
Happy Friday! Charles is afraid you might have unprotected sex so...Wrap it up.
"Oh, and you should sell your article to Trojan or some other Condom Company." he says