Sunday, December 19, 2010


Tap Tap
Testing Testing. One Two Three. Testing

I'd like to make an apology.

Feedback. Noise. Reverberation.
Tap Tap

I'd like to make an apology if I could. It's for all of my friends. Well, not ALL my friends I guess. Just the ones I push this stupid blog upon. I used to think I was creative. There was a time I thought I had talent. Now, it's all been siphoned away. At the bottom of the hose it falls into the pool of the more deserving. I should've spent more time. Done more research. Used a fucking spell checker. Something. I should of done something.

Feedback. Noise. Reverberation. Obscene shouts and lude gestures from the crowd.
Tap Tap

So, as I stated before. I'd like to make an apology. I'm sorry for pushing this blog. This shitty shitty blog. It's not funny. Don't get me wrong, I laugh but that's probably just me. I'm sorry for all the E-mails, Text Messages and Public Service announcements telling you to read my blog. If I had money, I'd drag a banner across the sky with my web address on it.
Yes I know I'm pathetic.
No it won't get any better.
I'm sorry for wasting your time.

Feedback. High pitch. Both ear drums ring. Shouts from crowd say, "Get off the fucking stage asshole!" Arms raise. Middle index finger extends. Crowd says, "Go suck a cock fuckface." Followed by "Shows us your tits!"

Tap Tap.

I'm sorry for making you feel like you had a choice. You didn't.

Man from back of crowd says "Cry me a fucking river homo!"

I thought if I wrote everything in Medias Res it would be clever. If I wrote in a Minimalistic style it would cover my ignorance.

Teenager from row four seat 3 stands up. Makes pumping motion with fist. Smacks lips. Winks. Blows kiss.

I though people would visit my site. I have ads by google. I thought people would visit my site and click on my links and I would make money. I could write and make money.

Something flies through air. Smacks Rectus Abdonimis. Hands Clench Rectus Abdonimis. Lean Forward. Whisper under my breath "Mother Fuckers." Something looks like Mash Potatoes. Tastes like Mash Potatoes.
Female from row 1 seat 11 says " There's more where that came from."
Senior Citizen. Female. Row 26 seat 14 Says "Run off the stage an cry to mommy pussy!"
Senior Citizen. Male. Row 26 Seat 15 probably husband raises hand and high fives Senior Citizen Female.

I though I was clever...

Voice from crowd I cannot see says "You already said that asshole."
Feedback. Noise. Reverberation.
Man in late forties stands up. Grabs Crotch. Pulls up on Crotch. Says "This is what I think of your apology!" followed by "Fucking Asshole!"

Tap Tap
Most importantly, I need to aplogize to myself. I need to apologize to myself for thinking I could write. Not only write, but write something people would want to read. I apologize to the word delusion. I give it no justice. I am more than that.

Man from back row with baby on his shoulders shouts "What does that even mean!"

I would also like to apologize to everyone on
Calling People Names
Bad Ass Geek
Mr. London Street
Bag lady
Steam Me Up Kid
Fluster Me

I'm sorry for wasting your time. I lured you into my blog like something lures something else in. If I were clever enough I'd tell you what that something is.

Man in Wheelchair seated next to Women in row 7 seat 1 says "If I had legs I'd walk up there and kick in your fucking face!" Followed by "Asshole!"

Feedback. Noise. Silence.
Tap Tap
Mouth Moves. Microphone does not amplify voice.
Laughter from crowd.
Young man early twenties standing near side of stage holds a cord. I follow cord to microphone.
Young man early twenties holding cord says "I think you might be in the wrong place." Says"I don't want to be a dick but you really got to go."

Behind me Red banner reads "Jim Mortensen." Reads "Third Congressional District." Reads "Two More Years"

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